Song: gaze
by: the studs

Somehow, i was in a rather good mood today. The bus-stop was packed with people wanting to go home and i saw my bus 8 had already went off and so i decided to walk somemore to take 293.
Well maybe i wasn't in the mood to squeeze on the bus with so many people. Either that or i felt so light and happy that i decided to walk and enjoy the evening.
Buck-Tick's Tight Rope never fails to relax me =)

Life.
It's nothing but a journey but if you don't treasure what you have and be contented, you will still be unhappy when you die, even if you die having people caring about you and having all the luxuries in the world. I believe that even if Life throws a whole pile of shit to you but when you know how to be contented, you will still think you have led a happy life.
I strongly believe if it's your destiny whether you will die young, or old. In a freak accident, naturally or illness. So there's really no point in worrying if you will die the next day.

I was inspired by this part on Monday when Amin and Cavin were talking about their lives.
Well i can't say i'm happy with my life, but i think i'm quite contented with what i have. My childhood (in primary and secondary) days were not exactly full of happy memories. I had been bullied before. Not those where a gang surrounds you and whack you up, but by insults. They sort of degrade me until i felt i wasn't worth living. Why they did it, i totally have no idea why. My luck i guess.
That part plus the stress of having O'Levels on at that time, made me *ALMOST* committed suicide. Or i just wanted attention from parents because i couldn't communicate with them properly and i felt they didn't understand me.

Anyway since then i've come to terms with the "school bully part". I'll be lying to you if i said i already forgive them completely. I once really hoped they will get knock down by cars while crossing road, get trapped in their burning houses, get choked while eating, drinking, or even talking.
Fortunately (or unfortunately), all these things didn't happen to them before we all part our ways and i have not seen them since (and i'm quite thankful for it).
Deep down inside, i am hoping that they are getting their retribution for treating me this way :)
Hell yes i'm evil.
Probably this why, with all these happenings, i am so emo inside.

But i'm ironic. I don't know why.
I am emo but on the other hand, i have so much hope and love for my life. My view for Life is not so emo, really.
I'm emo, always thinking how Death can solve everything, but there are also a lot of times that i think Life is beautiful.


Ok, this whole chunk is getting cliche. I should stop before i regret putting up such optimistic self on my blog.